Missing Frames

I sit here with my muse music rolling and my inspiration sitting before me wondering what musings I can pull out of this overcrowded brain of mine. Overcrowded may be an understatement. As a continual repressor, I keep everything inside my head. This has a tendency to lead toward mental congestion that can rival the freeways of Seattle. My brain runs slower and only the things that are most pressing get dealt with. Kind of like a computer whose memory is full yet there is more that needs to be processed. I feel like my brain stutters a lot. I’ll be focused on one thing when all the sudden the focus zooms to something else leaving me reeling and disoriented. It resembles a blip you see when a movie projector misses a frame on the reel. Like a portion of what I was thinking about got cut out and now I’m in a whole different part of the movie. I didn’t watch the preceding scenes for this part of the movie so the plot is lost on me and I’m left to fill in the blanks with wild assumptions which probably miss the whole point of the movie. I feel like I’m missing the whole point of life. Like I keep getting glimpses of it, but the projector keeps cutting out scenes and dumping me somewhere else. I feel like life is just a whole lot of my assumptions all bundled together and played as a feature film. But I don’t think my assumptions are right. There are holes in my logic and I have no feeling in this movie of life I have created. When did the feeling leave? Is it tucked away underneath the festering anger and frustration? Is it hidden in the deep depths of happiness and joy that are trapped in my ever repressive mind? And what is this feeling I’m looking for anyway? Is it contained in those frames that have been cut out of my life movie? Or did I just miss it somewhere along the journey?