So little time...so little brain power.
Yet again I will rant about my brain being sucked dry. Only this time school is the culprit, not the torturous endeavor of moving. And instead of my brain just being sucked out by a shop vac, it is then refilled with large words that I don't understand and that relate in no way to my daily life. This is the process of philosophisizing (I think I just created a word...maybe I am cut out to be an academic after all). And so I turn to a little recreational writing to fight off the uninterpretable words and remember that I live a life that is comprised of real people, real experiences, and my own thoughts.
Life has been moving at a very fast pace and I'm having a hard time keeping up. There are many things that have been reminding me that time flies, and that my sorry ass is way too slow. We went to visit Nate and Julie, my brother and sister in-law, and our niece, Ally, this weekend and she's huge. She is two and a half and so talkative and independent. She's growing so fast, and it reminds me that time is running rampant. Then I think of my other niece, Kya, who is two and a half also. I think of how I haven't seen her in almost a year, and how many precious stages I've missed in her life. Time, once again, kicking my ass. Then I think of how my oldest brother is dying of AIDS and how he's been fighting it for at least 8 years. He has almost died many times, yet this time he has chosen not to fight, but to live the last of his life, then end it, on his own terms. Yet again time seems to be getting the best of me since I can't seem to find the time to process that he's dying or to be there for him as he goes through this terribly rough time. How do I catch up? How do I catch the things in my life that seem to fly by me like a hurricane? How do I keep up with the rapid growth of nieces that I see so infrequently? How can I be present with my dying brother as he navigates issues and choices that few will ever face? How do I navigate the whirlpool of time? These are questions that I ponder.
And yet, even these questions must be postponed to a later contemplation time, since I have an exam to study for. There just doesn't seem to be enough time for all the things that are important to me.
Life has been moving at a very fast pace and I'm having a hard time keeping up. There are many things that have been reminding me that time flies, and that my sorry ass is way too slow. We went to visit Nate and Julie, my brother and sister in-law, and our niece, Ally, this weekend and she's huge. She is two and a half and so talkative and independent. She's growing so fast, and it reminds me that time is running rampant. Then I think of my other niece, Kya, who is two and a half also. I think of how I haven't seen her in almost a year, and how many precious stages I've missed in her life. Time, once again, kicking my ass. Then I think of how my oldest brother is dying of AIDS and how he's been fighting it for at least 8 years. He has almost died many times, yet this time he has chosen not to fight, but to live the last of his life, then end it, on his own terms. Yet again time seems to be getting the best of me since I can't seem to find the time to process that he's dying or to be there for him as he goes through this terribly rough time. How do I catch up? How do I catch the things in my life that seem to fly by me like a hurricane? How do I keep up with the rapid growth of nieces that I see so infrequently? How can I be present with my dying brother as he navigates issues and choices that few will ever face? How do I navigate the whirlpool of time? These are questions that I ponder.
And yet, even these questions must be postponed to a later contemplation time, since I have an exam to study for. There just doesn't seem to be enough time for all the things that are important to me.
posted by Tonya at 11:33 PM
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