Academic Ramblings

My brain is filled with academic ramblings of words like dichotomy, binary, analysis, social location, gender roles, socialization, androcentrism, essentialism, and patriarchy. My thoughts are filled with ideas of post-positivist realist theories of identity, drag as gender performance, structural oppression, medicalization of bodies, sexual and gender “deviance,” and identity politics. These are some of the ideas and terms that I play with on a daily basis within my Women’s Studies classes. These are terms that have come to change the ways that I feel about being a woman and about being myself. These are the ideas and terms I have used to learn about my anger. See, I am studying Women’s Studies so that I can understand why I’m so angry, so often. I’m studying it to gain words to express my anger at the way I’m treated and talked to because I am a woman. I’m studying it to gain knowledge and words to express the fear that comes with being a woman. These are the ideas that I hope will help me understand and communicate why inhabiting a body that has a uterus, a vagina, and a pair of boobs does not make me a second-class citizen, a sexualized object, or an emotional, irrational disaster.
But these words and ideas do not translate well into the real world. These ideas and terms must be twisted and reworked many times over in order to make sense in any situation other than academia. In fact, they require several forms of translation before I can make them more than just a paper I’m writing or a theory I’m reading. Incorporating these ideas into tangible forms of living is difficult. They are academic terms and ideas that can be amazing and mind blowing and intriguing, yet they are often very distanced from the situations I encounter on a daily basis.
And so I find that my anger has not subsided. I still do not fully possess the words and the skills to express my anger and release it. I feel I am much closer, but true release eludes me because I am left with ideas and theories that only make sense in the academic realm of my life. Where is my Women’s Studies handbook that will translate academic terms and theories into ideas and terms that make sense in the world around me? Oh the money I’d pay for such a book!